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Terms of Use for HarmonyMajor.com
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and made us put a link on all our pages to get you here, if you wanted. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a Netwakening! It's really important stuff.
We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors.
Terms of Agreement for Ezine Advertisers
By ordering a Solo Offer in Straight from the Horse's Mouth and/or from Harmony Major, and by submitting the agreement form, you agree that:
- The "Break Even" / Clickthrough Guarantee only applies to the total cost of the ad and endorsement, if applicable. See this page for a full explanation of costs covered under the Break Even guarantee.
- If you don't receive at least 150 *unique* clickthroughs from your Solo Offer (OR break even on the guaranteed cost) within 2 weeks of the date the text and Web versions of your ad are mailed, your ad will be run until one of the above happens. Which one depends on what guarantee your ad falls under, either Clickthrough OR Break Even.
- The "Break Even Guarantee" applies to products for which you receive a net profit of $50 or more per sale. Should you advertise a business opportunity or other product or service that doesn't net you that amount per sale, your ad will be run under the "Clickthrough Guarantee." If you don't receive at least 150 *unique* clickthroughs from your Solo Offer, it will be run again until you receive that amount, collectively.
- Should your ad need to be run again according to the terms of either the Break Even OR Clickthrough guarantee, the second run will constitute of the *identical ad* being published to the list, this time including a notice at the top from Harmony Major, urging readers to check out your offer.
- Should your ad need to be run yet AGAIN to break even or acquire the guaranteed amount of clickthroughs, you will need to provide a NEW ad for a NEW product. If you ordered an ad package including rewrites, the rewrites can apply to the original ad *only*, and will not apply to the new ad(s), if any are necessary.
- In the case of rewrites and endorsements, I'll need to be in frequent contact with you to be sure I write the best copy possible for your ad. I can not be held responsible should your ad date need to be moved down a week or more, due to you (the advertiser) not responding to me promptly, thus possibly delaying your ad's running date.
- A copy of the advertised product will, of course, need to be provided to me so I can APPROVE the product to be sent to my readers. NO UNAPPROVED PRODUCTS WILL BE MAILED. (Exceptions may be made. Please contact me with all unique cases.) Approval is given at my sole discretion.
Should the product you originally provide not be approved, you will, of course, be able to submit additional products for my review until we find one that CAN be approved. You're strongly encouraged to get your product approved BEFORE YOU PLACE YOUR AD due to the clause below.
- In light of the "Break Even" and "Clickthrough" guarantees, all ad package sales are FINAL. NO REFUNDS OR CREDITS WILL BE ISSUED TOWARD THE PURCHASE OF ANY AD AFTER IT'S PAID FOR, EITHER IN WHOLE OR IN PART. Instead, I've created the guarantee to remove all risk from your purchase.
- Standard (personalized) ads will not be rewritten or critiqued in any way. Unless you order a rewrite, your ad will be run AS-IS -- just as you provide it to me, so please be sure it's exactly as you want it. I reserve the right to refuse to run any ad containing spelling and grammatical or formatting errors until those errors are fixed.
- If you ordered an ad package including rewrites and/or endorsements, there will likely be a one week lead time before your ad is published, to allow me time to rewrite the ad and/or review the product. (Ex: If you order an endorsed ad and/or rewrite this week and an ad slot is available next week, your ad may not run until the week AFTER next, to allow me to time complete all the services you ordered.
- For ANY ad package, you agree to handle ALL proofreading and related editing of ad copy written by you, to include thorough spelling and grammar checking. Spelling and grammar checks are ONLY conducted on rewrite and critique ad packages.
- Returned checks, returned credit card charges, and chargebacks initiated by the advertiser resulting in penalty fees to HarmonyMajor.com will be subject to an additional $30 fee to cover the expense of the fees. This $30 compensatory fee, along with the amount of the original returned transaction (i.e. the chargeback amount), will be charged to the account originally used to pay for the ad.
- Your ad's (Solo Offer's) results will be tracked with ProAnalyzer, hosted on HarmonyMajor.com. The clickthrough and sales statistics recorded by that script are the only ones that will be viewed as official, to enforce the "Break Even Guarantee." Should there be any discrepancy between actual stats and those recorded, any and all final decisions about the enforcement of the guarantee will be at Harmony Major's sole discretion.
- In order for me to track the results of your ad, you will need to insert a special code into the "thank you" page (the page customers see IMMEDIATELY after the order), that MUST be left there for AT LEAST two weeks following the date your ad is mailed (both text and Web versions). Your ad will run only AFTER you insert the code, and you'll need to provide me with the download URL it's placed on.
- At your request, you can receive a screenshot of all statistics for your ad campaign, including, but not limited to clickthroughs (both raw and unique), sales, return on investment, and conversion ratio.
To all general users of the site...
We run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal use.
If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem with that, because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:
- For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
- While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising you it's accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
- We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line -- we're not responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call us.
- If you don't want the world to know something, don't post in on the site in any bulletin board, submission form, or any place else. That's because anything you disclose to us is ours. That's right -- ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the information you post.
- Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property or someone else's property we're using with their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends can't use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what -- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
- There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site that either we own or we're using with someone else's permission. So don't think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you don't and we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave them alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we're likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for messing around with our property or the property of others.
- You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots of others. While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
- That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
- Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!
- We're also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
- If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement (sort of according to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of North Carolina, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate HarmonyMajor.com and/or its affiliates' intellectual property rights, HarmonyMajor.com and/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state or federal court in the State of North Carolina, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the following location: Wake County, NC. Any costs and fees other than attorney fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration at the following location: Wake County, NC, under the rules of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
08/26/03
HarmonyMajor.com
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